cakes, prose, woes -- the photos, food & thoughts of a french-speaking seattle-native in brazil

In the end, you're just happy you were there—with your eyes open—and lived to see it. -AB
In the end, you're just happy you were there—with your eyes open—and lived to see it.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fools!

Pablo got me goodNow i just made a post yesterday (which is gone now due to irrelevancy) stating that there is nothing exciting in the realm of cuisine, travel, and or blogish to write about and thus my absence. Preoccupied by classes, work, sticky living situations, being a human, yadda yadda, havn't had any adventures lately. Either way, that all changed--when Pablo came into my life.

There are three of you out there (my confidants) who know already about Senior Pablo from Espagne--the "ham man." For the rest of you--I will splain:

A few days ago I received an email from a man named Pablo proclaiming his enthusiasm for my blog (this one) and how especially he enjoyed the posts about ham. God damn it! I thought as I bawled over with laughter, what is the deal with this bloody ham?! It is still haunting me!! As my friends, I trust you enough to post the full message for your viewing:

Hola Senorita! This is probably very strange e-mail for you to read, but my name is Pablo and I live in Espagne. I read your blog and I find the pictures very beautiful and the story of Iberica Ham very interesting. There is a very strong ham history in my familly and so I like very much to read that others find it ineresting to. I think I will come to Paris sometime this Spring, do you have any more knowledge on the ham in Paris, besides the restaurant Fogon and the butcher Bellota Bellota. I don't very understand the last picture in one blog with the girl looking as a ham, what means this? Is this a television program for America? Hope to hear from you soon! -Pablo

There you have it. Why don't I get emails like that from the rest of you!? Neanmois--I wrote the ham man back explaining how I was happy to hear from him, and explained how I knew nothing about French ham, and went on to explain the Scout ham costume from to Kill a Mockingbird. So happy that I actually had a literary fan (chouette! even if its a ham guy) I enthusiastically, shared the ridiculous news with my mum and bon ami. Mum: Ahk! sounds like a creep! Friend: Damn, I need to get a blog. Well mes amigos, Pablo wrote back:

Estimada Mallory,i am happy that you like my message. it is very a pleasure to me read your blog. i am very much interested in people who like ham as me. the story of ham in my family is not very much known. but it is good story for my family and Espagne. my family grows up the chanchos since hundred of years now. we live in country part outside of Mardrid-la capital! since these many many years, many many generations, and many Pablos before me,we sell only these grandest chanchos to La Familia Real-(Borbon) and their cooks for them. for so many years we have had this relationships and it brings very a lot history and proud to my family. even today, we give to Jaun Carlos. if you want i will send to you some little rodaja so you can eat of the ham of the kings in Espagne, specially because you could not do this as you wished in Barcelona! Pleasant rest of day ma carino-Pablo

Wow, I thought, free ham!

Today I recieved a knock at the door: Oui entrez. Entrez. Entrez damn it! Arg I have to get up? --open door: look down, and what is there----ham. Spanish ham. And a note: Feliz Dia de los Santos Inocentes, Happy [April] Fool's Day. Love from 4 generations of Pablos--aka M & S. Oh snap. I've been hosed. Or rather hammed eh? hehehe.

Pablo n'existe pas! He is the creation of my two dear friends M & S (the reverse makes too many giggles) who ventured on this impetuous whirlwind of a sojourn from Gonzaga to Paris with me. What creativity these two darlings posses. I don't know why, but it makes me want to tear (Especially since the ardent Buddhist/vegetarian S went all out and actually purchased ham. bravo.) Let me delve now into melodramatic prose on life lessons--you should be used to that by now-- Mallory is a person that thinks she knows--not knows in the Socratic sense of wisdom, she is not that base, but knows what life should be like, what cookie cutter yet self proclaimed virtues and paths to follow. If you know her, you will find that she is trying to get past her perturbing robotic response of I know. Je sais. Je sais... because elle ne sait pas. You can't do everything by yourself. That's really it. You just can't. And if you do, you're a fool. N'importe de quoi who your friends are if they make you happy, and if you make them happy. So whether your pals are are the black sheep rebels of the heard (sorry ladies, you know you are....he he he) graduated firecrackers who lose their shoes in Amsterdam, a crazy family back home with more drama than E! True Hollywood, a bunch of bloggers--whether in Spain or Virginia's other half, gambling French waiters, Mexico's lost culinary and musical masters, ADD five year olds, or are far far away in a foreign land yet more real than the neighbor next door. Kosher is for the birds. Am I trying to tell you that life is a basket full of gluten-free licorice? Absolutely not. Never. Life is a fact. Deal with it. But when you are absolutely positive that no one is there, remember this: you're wrong.

Ham on my doorstep from Pablo--they got me good. A bit of the card read: "Your blog has brought much enjoyment to our lives, Pablo was our way of saying thank you. You only take the time to joke with those you care about." Their reasoning for picking Pablo: Damn it Mallory you and that damn ham! Your damn nicknacks! The wierd shit you send in the mail! Portuguese? You are out of your mind. Dried Figs? Yet, they are there anyways. And you too are their anyways. So readers, je vous apprecie beaucoup.

April fools ham!! I'm never going to get away from ham. Dinner: some ham, and fittingly this bottle of Spanish Crianza brought by C my Gonzaga gal in Barcelona a couple weeks ago! And maybe some sushi. Ok--take a breath; we will return to all seriousness in the next edition of expose ourselves weekly. What have we learned? It is very easy to trick me--the Thinker statue in the backpack. Sister Rybone its only you.

HERE YEE! I want you ALL to email Pablo and tell him thank you for making us all smile. the little bitch. hehe. senorjamon@gmail.com

A bientôt
&
Até à pròxima

2 comments:

Luciana said...

Mallory,
Salut du Brésil!
Ton portugais est très compréhensible, merci par la visite et par ton commentaire!
J´aim ton blog.

Núria said...

We don't celebrate April Fools here in Spain but you made me laugh with your post :D and so that you know how ham is all over... follow this link
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/04/02/obama_savors_some_very_special.html

Even Mr. Obama gets seduced by IT!!!
Have a great weekend, Mallory :D