Fun Fetti: I Challenge You to a Duel!

rainbow in a can? never dear sam i am.
just watch how high my nose can fly. Intimidation, undoubtedly, is not a good thing. Why in my psychology class just the other day we discussed the chapter on sexual psychology: women don't like short men. ok fine i can see that. Women like the outgoing types. yeah ok. Men don't like intimidating women. uh oh. Men like women who can cook. Well hey now, what if you are an intimidating cook? Does a tear in the universe occur from such a double negative? If it does you must find some other pansy to sew it up, for i am no seamstress. I don't find myself very intimidating in most things. Ok maybe just a little. hmmm. well. damn it.

Look at my three housemates; i have scared them into never attempting the act of baking, even a simple cake or cookie. Why? because they know somehow i would be watching and it scares them. Ahk! I would not judge you! i reply in my defense, innocent until S reminds: "remember when i made chocolate chip cookies? You sat like a buddha monk criss-crossed on top of the stove commenting here and there- you don't need to use that attachment. your butter isn't soft enough. you really don't need to use a kitchen aide for something like cookies. are you sure you want to put that in?" well. oops. i need to work on that.

Maybe it was a tuesday. A thursday probably. Her rowing team came over one night for a team spirit dinner of frozen lasagna. mmmm. someone must send Marie a thank you note. One of the lady's made dessert. A small wire cake tier suddenly appeared on the counter covered in box-cake fun fetti cupcakes glopped over the top with neon-blue dyed fun fetti frosting. my god what a horror, i thought as i walked by. When the broad shoulders had all gone home for the night (ooh my what a rotten cretin i have become!) S asked, "aren't these cute cakes?" of the dozen left over. I turn to her, hmmm, no. She frowns. "Come on, sometimes you just have to every now and then have a good fun fetti." I reply, um, no, no you don't. That is a betty crocker creation. And they look like something from the Cat in the Hat. "So you would never make a fun fetti?" Is that a challenge? Well, you are on. I will show you a fun fetti. Just you wait. There will be fun. there will be fetti. you will like it. now sit down and eat it! on y va.

I would not, could not, in a box.
I could not, would not, with a fox.
I will not eat them with a mouse.
I will not eat them in a house.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not eat green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam-I-am.

Once upon a time T.S. Eliot told someone that, immature poets imitate; mature poets steal. Well i am not a poet, but i like to borrow all the same. when appropriate, of course. haughty discourse right now on April's cruelness would probably be a bit much for the present topic. However i feel the rightness to bring forward with this the mention of Dr. Seuss. I could conjecture that perhaps 43% of you who are reading are neither American or Canadian, and have never heard of Dr. Seuss. Or maybe you have and I am wrong. tut tut. The truth is it never occurred to me that there may be humans on this planet who had never heard of Dr. Seuss. That is my American egocentricity showing through again. Well I was talking with my editor, what about i can't quite recall at the moment, but it was some type of argument, and he made something rhyme to which i spat back ahh no i will not eat green eggs and ham! he-what? me-sam i am i won't! he-what on earth are you talking about, ham? me-green eggs and...Dr. Seuss, child's book author, you don't know Dr. Seuss? he-never heard of him. me-ahk! not only is that sad but damn it i sound like a whacko and my entire point is lost! The point is that there is no point for that story. Rarely do i have a point. But perhaps the only point is that i am now reminded of Dr. Suess's narrator and his refusal to eat Green Eggs and ham in a box, with a fox, etc. The plot continues after he snobbishly turns his nose until pestered to the cracking point he eventually gives in to try them and realizes he is quite fond of them. Our story here has nothing to do with that. Yet at the same time it does. Fun Fetti i turn my nose against you, but perhaps if we dressed you up a bit, turned you around, took you out of the box, saw you not as regular eggs and ham, but instead turned you green we could scream:

I do so like

green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am!

To Salty Cod-ify Fun Fetti; One fish two fish red fish blue fish (that would be another quality title of a Dr. Seuss book) see now we are back to fish, one thing leads to another. it's our jingly jangly chains. We're all looking up at the same writing in the sky, but reading it differently. Toffee. No. Fish. I always read it as fish. So it is going to be a cake that has absolutely nothing to do with the classic other than the fetti. Could we have it any other way? No.

My fetti is undoubtedly the small minty pastel chips bought in bulk termed non pareils. S went on a mission to scout them. and she won. Freddy's and Safeway--you are dead to me. These pretty pastels are mint, however, so the cake must match. Chocolate cup cakes. But square instead. Mint. Thin Mints. Girl Scouts. Mint fudge layers with crushed chocolate cookies in between. The Fat Mint Fun Fetti Cake. Only on sale at the Salty Cod.

Fat Mint Fun Fetti Cake
cake
ingredients: 3/4 cup flour ~ 1 1/2 cups sugar ~ 1/2 cup cocoa powder ~ pinch salt ~ 2 eggs ~ 1/2 cup butter ~ 1/2 cup milk ~ 1 tsp baking powder ~ 1/2 tsp baking soda

method: cream butter and sugar. add eggs. add mixed dry ingredients. add milk. then. bake at 350. take it out. cool it. and cut it.

fudge: mint extract, 1 can condensed milk, 18 oz dark chocolate. melt it. stir it. and that's about it.

Fun Fetti frosting: 1/2 cup butter ~ powdered sugar ~ cream ~ chopped non pareils
beat butter, add sugar, add cream, add specks, pretty much just make it a thick buttercream to pipe.

*i bought classic chocolate waffer cookies to crumble and layer in between the fudge and cake, they make excellent for sandwich cookies with the left overs.

F said, as she sat in the African -Squiggle director chair perched in the corner of the kitchen, oh god. this is, wow, you've definately kicked fun fetti in the ass. Our job here is done. And my oh my what cute easter colors as well. The last thing to ask is could you would you with a goat? Well of course you could. If the goat liked mint, of course.

a bientot.